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Not all conflict is bad. When the disagreement is about things, processes, or tasks, getting into it can be quite productive. But when it becomes a personal issue with another person, it can damage your working relationship and your career.

并不是所有沖突都不好。當事情、流程或任務出現(xiàn)分歧時，深入討論會很有成效。但如果是與別人的私人問題，爭執(zhí)會傷害你的人際關系和事業(yè)。

Even if the other party is “wrong” and you are “right” (though this is less often the case than we like to think!), your actions impact the situation… for better or for worse. For the most productive outcome, try going through the following steps before resorting to negative coping strategies:

即使對方是“錯誤的”，你是“正確的”（雖然這種情況發(fā)生的頻率比我們想的更少），你的行動會影響事態(tài)——變得更好或者更糟。為了最有效的結果，在用消極的應對策略前嘗試以下步驟：

1. Find the Positive

1. 找到積極的一面

When seething with hate or anger, it is much more likely we will cross the line, or otherwise exercise poor judgment. Get control over your emotions by thinking of good things this person has done in the past, considering why you want to maintain a good relationship in the future, and (cliche as it sounds) finding the bright side of the situation.

當懷著滿腔仇恨或憤怒時，我們更有可能失去理智或者判斷失誤。想想這個人以前做的好事，考慮下你為什么想和他保持良好的關系，以及（聽著像陳詞濫調）找到事情積極的方面，這樣能控制住你的情緒。

2. Stop Enabling

2. 不要讓別人改變

Many times we find ourselves in the midst of a conflict when we dislike the way another person has behaved habitually. But relationships are dynamic — we behave differently when interacting with different people. To break a cycle of ineffective interactions, find a way to do things a little differently next time from your side of the relationship.

很多時候爭執(zhí)是發(fā)生在我們不喜歡別人行為習慣的時候。但是人際關系是動態(tài)的——我們與不同的人交流時有不同的表現(xiàn)。為打破無效互動的惡性循環(huán)，下次交流時自己想辦法做些改變。

3. Shift Your Perspective

3. 轉變你的視角

Step outside of your head and look at the situation from their perspective. Look at things from a diverse point of view, focusing on the point of view of people whom you respect. How would each of them think about the problem you are experiencing? Thinking creatively will improve your chances of making a good decision.

跳出自己的思維模式，從他人的角度看問題。從不同的角度看待事物，關注你所尊敬的人的觀點。他們會如何思考你正在經歷的問題？創(chuàng)造性思維將增加你做出好決定的機會。

4. Prepare for a Conversation

4. 為談話做好準備

Write a script: plan to describe the situation and describe the impact it had on you. Prepare what your limits and allowances are in advance. Find a way to stay calm, and practice communicating your message in a non-threatening, and non-defensive manner. How you present yourself during the first sentence or two will determine what type of conversation it is going to be.

寫個底稿：準備好描述情況以及對你的影響。提前定好你的底線和容忍度。找到保持冷靜的辦法，并練習用不威脅、不護己的語調表達信息。前兩句話的表達方式將決定對話的基調。

5. Be Direct

5. 直接點

Be explicit in what you say; don’t talk in a circle and don’t force the person to make even small leaps in logic. To avoid a situation where emotions escalate, focus on your predetermined purpose, and do not react. You can be as direct as you need if you are able to demonstrate caring and empathy.

明確要說什么；不要繞圈子也不要讓對方的邏輯思維有跳躍。避免出現(xiàn)讓情緒爆發(fā)的情景、專注于你預想的目標并不要輕舉妄動。如果你能表現(xiàn)出關心和同情，那大可以直接點。

6. Work Together

6. 一起工作

Just because you said it, and they heard it, don’t automatically assume your message has been interpreted the way you intended. Have a deep conversation about intentions, mistakes, behaviors, and consequences to ensure mutual understanding. Be open to the possibility that they have a problem with you and you may need to make some changes as well.

別僅僅因為你說了，他們也聽了，就自動假設你的信息已按預期的方式被理解了。深入溝通下意圖、錯誤、行為和后果以確保雙方理解了信息。要接受他們不理解你以及你可能要做些修改的可能性。